Worshipping God When He Doesn’t Make Sense

How we respond to the bad circumstances of this world will be largely determined by our faith in God. Dr. James Dobson in his book, When God Doesn’t Make Sense, writes, “Either we continue to believe in God’s goodness and postpone our questions until we see Him face to face—or we will descend into bitterness and anger for the suffering around us.”

I have thought about this a lot since Brandon’s death, but God was working in me to bring about this revelation many years before that fateful event. The following are excerpts from my journal entries in 2014 and 2015 and my final Christmas memory for this season.

I have come to the conclusion that we are worshipping God for the wrong reasons. We cannot worship God because of any one of His specific attributes or even a combination of those attributes (love, mercy, grace, etc.). We cannot worship God because of what God has done for us (No, not even because He has saved us). We must worship God and serve God primarily because God is God. God is our Creator and owner of all. God is all-knowing, all-powerful, all-present. God is superior, and I am inferior. I do not need to agree with or understand Him in order for Him to be God. In fact, my opinion of God does not matter in the slightest. God is simply God. Therefore, God can do what He wants—no matter how badly it offends my human sensibilities.

I want to ask God, “Why?” Why do good people hurt? Why do Christians get persecuted? Why would you allow a child to be raped and killed? Why do you not intervene to protect the innocent? Why do you allow evil to have the victory so many times on earth? How can You who have so much power do nothing?

But, like Job, when I ask, I don’t necessarily like the reply I get.

God is God. God can do what He wants, when He wants, how He wants.

I feel as if I am stripping my faith down to the barest of bones here.

If God is God, and I believe He is, then I have no choice but to worship and serve Him. I am truly the property of God. I am not my own, nor am I the world’s. I choose to serve and worship God because He is God.

What happens when an event in my life gives me a picture of God that is contrary to His word? Do I try to explain God’s actions or reason them out? Reasoning at some point becomes too painful, too difficult, too convoluted, and the world notices. They think we are making excuses. So, how do I reconcile all the bad things that happen in this world? My answers become a revolving door of whys.

I cannot explain. I cannot comprehend. I cannot justify. If God seems unloving to me, perhaps I really don’t understand what love is. If God seems unkind, then perhaps my definition of kind has been tainted. If God does not seem good, then maybe, I don’t really understand goodness. After all, I am human. My words, thoughts, actions, and attitudes are based upon what I know, which comes from my own experiences, my worldly home and influence.

If God is Who He says He is, then I must choose to believe He is love, grace, mercy, truth, goodness, light, and life—even when it doesn’t appear that way to me. After all, I see now through foggy glasses, but one day, I will see and understand Him face-to-face. Until then, I choose to believe. God is God, and He loves me enough to send His Son to die for me. Those are two basic truths, two simple facts, and upon those I rest my faith.

Christmas 2014

“Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright…” I love that Christmas carol, but the truth is, the first Christmas was most likely nothing like the way we picture it in our minds. I doubt it resembled the nativity scene on my mantle or the images that our modern culture tries to sell.

Bethlehem was rocking. Imagine Christmas traffic at its worst, but instead of cars backed bumper-to-bumper, camels, donkeys and people were laden with packages, all trying to push their way through the narrow dirt streets. Many of them had traveled far. They were tired. They were stressed. They were probably ticked off. They hadn’t wanted to make the trip; they were forced to log in with the Roman authorities in order to be charged the “appropriate” taxes. Now, they were fighting the crowds, trying to find a place to eat, racing to see who would get the few rooms that were available for rent, just hoping for a place to catch a few winks.

When Mary and Joseph finally did find a place to rest, it was hardly the local Hampton Inn. While Scripture does not tell us that they stayed in a barn, we do know that the baby Jesus was laid in a manger; so animals were likely close by. I’m not a farmer or a farmer’s daughter, but I’m pretty sure that most animals (especially farm animals) come with their own array of sounds and smells. Despite the way our children’s story books picture the scene, I hardly doubt that their room was full of fresh, clean hay and unnaturally well-behaved animals. I imagine Mary and Joseph were probably surrounded by mooing, baaing, cooing, crowing, munching and, yes, even pooping noises.

Then to top it off, Mary went into labor…labor without a doctor or a nurse, without a mother, perhaps without even a woman to lend a hand, without a warm, comfy bed, without pain medicine. I don’t believe that Mary’s labor was any different to any other woman’s labor. I’m sure it hurt. In fact, given that she was a virgin, we have to consider that her experience may have been even more painful and terrifying than any ordinary first birth experience. Think about it. I’m sure it was anything but quiet. I’m sure she screamed and cried and moaned and whined. I’m sure she sweated, and tossed, and turned. I’m sure Joseph was beside himself with worry, and when baby Jesus was born, I am sure that he, like every other newborn, he cried too.

Then, when it was over, and Joseph laid that precious bundle in her arms, when Mary may have wanted to rest her weary head, who arrived on the scene but a bunch of excited and smelly shepherds babbling on about a choir of angels who had told them where to find the Savior.

It doesn’t seem like a very silent or holy night at all. No, I do not think that there was anything really calm about that first Christmas.

Yet, somehow, that realization gives me more joy and peace than the wonderful words of any beloved Christmas carol ever could. Because, you see, there is little silent or calm about my life.

Sometimes, I get so frustrated that my house, with four boys ranging from 10-18, is so loud. I can’t understand why someone always has to be fighting, arguing, fussing, whining, complaining, or aggravating. It seems a never-ending battle just managing to keep enough food in the kitchen and to make sure everyone has clean clothes to wear. Trying to homeschool the two youngest adds another level of stress. I’m not complaining; I’m just stating facts. It’s reality. Life at my house is not peaceful—no matter how much I wish that it were. Life is, for the most part, noisy and chaotic (and, yes, sometimes smelly). And I would venture to say that if you are honest, you would admit that your life is too.

After all, life just tends to be like that. Even in the midst of everyday joys, life is often cluttered and complicated, busy and boisterous. It is seldom, if ever, silent and calm.

And that’s why I find comfort in the true nativity story. Jesus came in the midst of the chaos of Mary and Joseph’s world. He didn’t wait until life was perfect and peaceful, calm and complete. He was born right in the middle of it all—a world where Roman authorities forced burdensome taxes and laws upon His people, a world where commerce was more important than compassion, a world where even a pregnant woman in labor could be turned away. Jesus came into a volatile, busy, loud, stinky, uncomfortable world, a world not so different from the one we live in today. 

And Jesus still meets us right where we are. Jesus meets me in my chaotic home, when I’m happy, when I’m sad, when I’m energized, when I’m tired, when I’m frustrated, when I’m not, when I’m focused, and when I’m confused, when life is silent, and when life is ever so very loud. Jesus is here.

In John 14:27, Jesus says, “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

Thank God that life doesn’t have to be picture-perfect for Christ to be present. Thank God that when He comes He brings with Him a peace that is neither circumstantial nor fleeting. When Jesus entered the scene years ago on that first Christmas night, nothing changed. The world continued to turn as it always had. The town was probably still buzzing with people trying to find rooms. The cows were still mooing. Mary and Joseph were still tired and sore. The shepherds still needed a bath.

But everything changed; the Savior had entered the world, and God’s great plan of redemption had begun. For those that knew Him then and for those that know Him now, Jesus brings true peace in the midst of chaos, an internal and eternal peace. Jesus is our Hope, our Help, and our Salvation.

So, despite the noise and craziness of life, we celebrate God’s great goodness to us this year. We are so blessed…

It’s our prayer this Christmas season, that in the midst of this crazy, uncertain world, you too have met the Savior who was born on that not-so-silent night—Jesus, who was born and who died, for you. If you don’t know Him, we’d love to tell you more about Him and His precious promise of peace. We love you and wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy New Year!

 

Read “The End of Advent,” the final lesson in the 2020 Advent series.

Finding Peace in a Painful World

I once heard a story about a king who wanted to commission a visual representation of the word “peace.” Since he had no idea what kind of image he was looking for, he asked artists to create their images as entry into a contest. The painter that best captured the illusive idea in picture would win. Among the entries were pictures of people at rest, soldiers shaking hands, and children at play. There were scenic pictures of beautiful skies and sunny days, families sitting beside a fire, even saints at prayer. The king looked carefully at each but still wasn’t satisfied. When the last artist laid a painting at his feet, the king sighed in relief and awarded the prize to him.

The picture featured a violent waterfall crashing against the rocks of a frothy river. The sky was black, and the clouds were ominous. A storm seemed to be brewing, and the little leaf-bare tree in the forefront of the painting seemed to be ready to break in the fierceness of the wind. From a distance, no one could understand the king’s choice until he pointed it out.

In the top of the tree, on a slender branch, the artist had painted a bird, tucked safely inside a nest. With her wings spread over her eggs, she sat undisturbed in the midst of the storm.

Peace is not the absence of conflict; it’s knowing how to rest in the face of it.

As my boys moved into their teenage years, the conflict in our house began to ramp up. As national tragedies and personal events contributed more and more to a sense of uneasiness, God continued to impress upon my heart the importance of finding peace not in my external circumstances but in my internal relationship with Him.

Here’s my Christmas letter from 2012. 

Merry Christmas from the Brown’s 

“Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” 

Luke 2:10-11

I find this Christmas letter a little harder to write this year. With the Newtown, CT, shootings still fresh on my mind, it is somewhat harder to sit down and share all our blessings. I almost feel guilty as I think about all the people who are suffering today, who are grieving the loss of their children and loved ones. But remembering how brief life is gives me one more reason to appreciate today a little more. And so, I will write. For those of you who think I couldn’t shut up if I wanted to, I guess that’s no surprise!

This year began and ended in the same way—with basketball. In the 2011-2012 season, our family was completely immersed in basketball. We had four boys in three different leagues, on four different teams. Sjon-Paul was a dominating force for the home school Trailblazers. The South Warren Middle School Spartans worked Brandon like a borrowed mule. And Braxton, who was a giant among his teammates, struggled to keep his composure as all those “little” kids almost tackled him to get the ball. But it was Ryan who brought home the “gold” so to speak. His Parks & Rec team went undefeated throughout the regular season and came in second in the tournament—quite an achievement.

This season is somewhat more sane but also a little sadder for us. Brandon and Ryan are the only two playing basketball. Sjon-Paul, who sat out this year’s baseball season, also chose not to play basketball this winter. After spending the last 16 years watching Sjon-Paul play ball, it has been rather difficult on us! We were really looking forward to seeing him dunk this year! We are learning the hard way that our boys are growing up, and sometimes our dreams are not theirs. 

This year was especially eventful for Sjon-Paul, who turned 16 in April. During the summer he had his wisdom teeth removed and then had an elective heart procedure performed to correct his SVTs, a condition that caused his heart to beat very rapidly. He was under anesthesia for 6 hours for the heart surgery, but it was a success. He is now off heart medication for good. In the fall, he had to visit the hospital again, this time for five stitches after slicing his hand opening while “goofing around” with his cousin, Nathan. During the summer, Sjon-Paul  worked his first “real” job as a field attendant and score keeper for the Warren County Parks and Recreation Department, and in the fall, at our insistence, he began attending South Warren High School. Sjon-Paul also got his learner’s permit this year and purchased his first car; although he still hasn’t driven yet.

After completing his season with the Spartan’s basketball team, Brandon decided to take it easy for a while. He got his braces off in the spring and spent the summer doing what he loves best—playing on his game system with his friends and visiting Ma & Pa and his cousins in Westmoreland. He is a freshman at South Warren High School and is still doing great academically. Brandon, who turned 14 just this month, constantly amazes us with his artistic ability, enjoys watching crime shows and playing Mine Craft.

Ryan celebrated his 10th birthday in July. He loves playing baseball and basketball and occasionally riding his dirt bike and shooting bows and arrows. He is in the fourth grade, still schooling at home, and one of his favorite subjects is history. Braxton turned 8 in March, is in third grade at home, and is sure to be the biggest Brown boy ever. He is less enthusiastic about sports and decided to try Cub Scouts this fall. He recently celebrated being the first boy in his den to complete all the requirements to earn his Bear badge. Both he and Ryan enjoy playing on their game systems, watching movies, listening to Mom read, playing with Legos and visiting with their friends.

Ian still works at SCA and loves his job. He recently accepted a new position leading the Maintenance Department, which he will begin in January. I still work at home as a freelance writer for The Education Center and also began a new position as Content Editor for the United Methodist Publishing House’s Grow, Proclaim, Serve! website in April. We both enjoy having friends over to visit and working in the gardens at our home. Our sweet cat, Cheddar, disappeared in the spring, and we miss him dearly. But Coon, is a real cat with personality and is very precious to us. In addition, we welcomed two new “family” members this year—Cocoa and Rascal—our two rambunctious dogs. For all who remember our fish, Nemo, he is still alive and swimming well, but we did move him to a higher location to keep him safe from Coon.

Near the end of last year, we started attending Crossland Community Church in Bowling Green and are starting to get to know more people there through a small group Bible study…

Life keeps us busy, that’s for sure. And time seems to fly by. I feel such as sense of urgency these days. As Sjon-Paul nears his senior year, I keep thinking of things that I need to do or say. I feel as if my mothering days are drawing to an end; yet I know that my mom is still mothering me in so many ways and that I will (hopefully) still have a place in my boys’ lives long after they have left the house. Still, as we get ready to celebrate another Christmas, I find myself wanting to stop time for just a little while, to cherish every moment. Perhaps that desire stems also from the sad and terrible tragedies our nation has seen transpire this year. We cannot deny that this holiday season is a bit different. Our nation is in mourning; our children are full of fear; things seem dark and questions fill our hearts, but if we think about it, perhaps things are not as different as we might imagine from that first Christmas so long ago.

Surely, young Mary felt some fear at the prospect of delivering her child in an unknown place, with no mother or grandmother nearby to comfort her or help her. Surely, Joseph worried for her safety and the safety of their newborn son. Surely, they were terrified of the wicked king who, they knew, would kill anyone who seemed to threaten his reign. Surely, they mourned the loss of young lives that night they ran to Egypt. Surely, they questioned why God would choose such a way for Jesus to enter the world.

I read a quote on Facebook this week. It said, “We celebrate Christmas because our world is desperately, horrifically, tragically broken, and our only hope is in Jesus Christ.”

The world was broken when Jesus was born. It is still broken today. And Jesus is still the answer to that brokenness. Just as Mary and Joseph had to believe and trust that despite all circumstances God was still in control, so must we. All the uncertainty in the world, all the confusion and grief, and fear, remind us more than ever of our need for Christ, the world’s need for Christ.

As we look back on the year, we can’t help but think about movie theater and school shootings, hurricanes and other natural disasters, political elections and increased crime, as well as personal struggles, but it’s time spent with family and friends that we will remember the most. It’s sitting around the TV watching NCIS with our older boys and sitting in the recliner reading, “The Lord of the Rings” with our younger ones. It’s watching our sons play ball or just chatting as we run them to work or home from school. It’s going to the movies together or laughing around the dinner table with friends. It’s family birthdays and holidays and vacations. That’s what we choose to remember.

And from it all, from all the experiences, good and bad, both in the year of the nation and the year of the Brown’s, we are so thankful, thankful for each other, for our children, for our extended families, for friends who have become family, for our home, for our health, for another year, another day, another minute. But most of all, we thank God for Jesus because it is only in Him that we can say, regardless of the circumstances of our world or our lives, we have salvation, we have peace, and we have hope. If you don’t know Jesus as your personal Savior, we pray you seek Him today!

Love in Christ,

Ian, Tricia, Sjon-Paul, Brandon, Ryan and Braxton

Read the fourth 2020 Advent Lesson, “Evil Exists.”

Leaning on Love in the Midst of Change

Long after most of my friends and relatives had smart phones, I still carried a slide phone. I couldn’t access the internet, and it didn’t take good pictures. The screen was so tiny you couldn’t see them even if it did. When it broke, I had Ian search for an exact replacement online. It wasn’t until it became obsolete that I finally switched to an Iphone.  

I don’t cart around a house full of boys anymore. I don’t have a trunk full of baseball equipment. I really don’t need to drive a minivan. Yet, I don’t want another vehicle. I like my “Bessie.” She gets me where I need to go, and I know what all the knobs and buttons do.

From favorite shoes to old utensils, the older I get the more obstinate I become, the more I resist change. Consistency comes with its own set of problems, but at least its comfortable. Change forces me to move out of my comfort zone. I just don’t like change.

However, regardless of my feelings about it, change has always been and will always be a fact of life. Our lives are not a stagnant pond but a flowing river, taking us from birth to death and beyond into eternity. Life never stands still. Whether we are sailing through smooth waters or traveling through turbulent tides, life is ever-changing and, therefore, a constant source of stress.

In 2009, I was a young mother with a hectic lifestyle of managing, raising and teaching four sons. My babies had been replaced with four rambunctious boys. In the midst of all the good that came with the task, there was also a fair share of hard times, nothing catastrophic mind you, just the discomfort of day-to-day difficulties. Even then, I felt God’s presence reminding me to cling tightly to Him, to trust in His plan for my future, to find hope in His presence with me, and to lean on His love in the midst of change.

Here’s part of what I wrote that Christmas.

Merry Christmas 2009

I can’t believe another year has flown by.  Time seems to go so much quicker as I get older.  I started writing Christmas letters in 1996—the year Sjon-Paul was born and my Aunt Marlene died.  I printed them all out the other night and read them.  It was an interesting experience, like reading a condensed diary of our lives.

This year, of course, has been like many others.  It has had its highs and lows, but the greatest blessing by far was the salvation of both Ryan (in the summer) and Braxton (this past fall).  They both were baptized together about a month ago with many family and friends celebrating this commitment with them.  What a joy it is to know that all of our immediate family has secured an eternity in heaven and an irreplaceable hope and help in this life through our Savior Jesus Christ…

Well, it’s official.  I have no more babies.  My youngest, Braxton, turned 5 in March of this year, and Sjon-Paul, my oldest, turned 13 in April.  The dreaded day came, and Sjon-Paul finally passed me by.  For weeks he would come in and measure himself against me to see who was taller.  Finally, I had to admit that he had made it.  I quickly reminded him though that he wasn’t too big for me to bend him over my knees!  Brandon just turned 12, and now he’s the one asking, “Am I taller than you yet?”  It seems to be a great accomplishment to look down on Mom. 

Ryan turned 7 in July and told us just the other day that he is almost 12!  One of his favorite pastimes is racing his dirt bike around our yard.  Brandon is still very artistically inclined and recently demonstrated a gallery of his artwork here at the house for family and friends attending his 12th birthday celebration.  Sjon-Paul has become quite the entrepreneur and has his own e-bay business.  Thankfully, Braxton is still content to snuggle with Mom and Dad and play with his toys.

This past spring we had four boys playing baseball on four different teams.  It was quite an adventure.  Braxton actually finished this year and received a trophy.  While it wasn’t an easy endeavor, he says that he wants to play again next year.  He still remembers how good it felt to run across home plate.  The three older boys helped lead their teams to successful seasons, and the two oldest made their respective All-Star teams.  Sjon-Paul’s year in Babe Ruth turned out to be one of the most fun baseball seasons we have ever had.  The three oldest boys are playing basketball now and doing very well.  Brandon and Ryan play for Optimist club teams and are leading scorers. 

Sjon-Paul is playing on the homeschool team this year and also doing extremely well.  Recently I was having a conversation with him about the importance of continuing to practice.  I ended with, “After all, you aren’t Michael Jordan.”  To which he quickly replied, “I know, but can’t I be the Michael Jordan of my small world?”  That statement gave me pause to think.  While my boys aspire to great ambitions in sports, ultimately, as Christians, our greatest ambition is to be like Christ.  As I encourage them to work hard so that they can become as good as Michael Jordan in the realm of basketball, I am reminded of how hard we should be working at being like Christ in our small world.  

You see, I have to admit that I as I look back over this year, I just keep thinking of how hard it has been. There have been some scary times, but nothing really catastrophic.  Overall, it just seems that the daily grind is a little more pressing these days.  Satan is on the attack, and he seems to be targeting families first.  Sometimes I see the difficulties piling up like a mountain, dark and foreboding, an obstacle to our happiness.  But then I realize the daily struggles of life are really more like steps, building one on top of another, forcing me to walk upward, growing closer and more dependent on the Lord. 

Life is hard, and I sure wouldn’t want to go through it without Jesus guiding me, helping me, comforting me, and strengthening me.  We don’t want you to go through it alone either.  We love you and pray that if you don’t know Jesus as your Savior, you won’t put it off one more day.  God is so faithful to help us when we rely upon Him.  The Bible says, “If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” (Romans 10:9)  It is our prayer this Christmas season that you will seek to know the Lord personally.  If you already know Jesus as your Savior, we pray that you are trusting in Him and celebrating with joy this season of His birth. 

We’d love to talk to you about it some more.  Keep in touch and have a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year! 

Read “A Family Flees,” this week’s Advent Lesson. Also, if you’re looking for a great devotional guide to help you study God’s Word more, purchase Tricia’s book, A Year of Yearning, available on Amazon.

Holding on to Hope When You’re Lonely

I vividly remember giving birth to each of my sons. I remember the pain, and I remember the joy. It’s easy to think about Mary holding the baby Jesus in her arms. It’s easy to imagine the feelings of precious love and adoration that she must have felt, because I can relate. After Sjon-Paul was born, when I held him in my arms for the first time, as he loudly protested his recent entrance into this world, I remember saying, “I know I will grow tired of that sound one day, but right now it’s the most beautiful sound in the world.”

And it was, but I did… grow tired of the crying, I mean. Diaper changes, crying, constantly attending to another person’s needs—mothering can be hard at times—and lonely.

Because Mary was only human, I am sure that she experienced a lot of the same feels we do. Even when the shepherds came and then the wisemen, she probably thought about her parents who had not yet seen her baby boy. When Joseph took them to Egypt, I bet she missed her friends. After she relocated to Nazareth again, I wonder if she wasn’t just a little self-conscious of the truth that others refused to believe. Among the disciples standing at the foot of the cross or the women at the entrance to the empty tomb, I imagine that Mary still had bouts of loneliness.

As a young mother with four active boys, I sometimes felt alone in the middle of my own kind of craziness. Don’t get me wrong. I love my boys. I am thankful to have been able to stay home and raise them, but there are no perfect families. Ours had its share of troubles, and sometimes a crisis isn’t really about what’s happening on the outside. Sometimes the crisis is all about what’s happening in our hearts.

Ian was an active participant in our boys’ lives and a good provider, but twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week in a house full of testosterone sometimes got the better of me. Sometimes, I felt like I was wrestling monkeys. Sometimes, they felt like bears. I wasn’t far from home and family, but, sometimes, I still felt all alone. Inevitably, that sense of aloneness morphed quickly into hopelessness, a feeling as if nothing I did actually mattered or made a difference.

Perhaps all Christians feel that way at times. Perhaps, it’s another way that God points us to Him. Maybe the loneliness isn’t actually loneliness. Maybe it’s more of a homesickness, a yearning for that which we are truly made. As I struggled with these feelings of isolation and inadequacy, the Lord used an everyday household appliance to plant hope in my heart. Today, I share it with you as I shared it with my friends and family during the Christmas of 2006.

Christmas 2006

Hello Friends and Family,

Merry Christmas! As I prepared to write this letter, I went back and re-read our Christmas letter from last year.  Wow!  What a difference a year can make!  Praise God that while this year has had challenges of its own, it has not been anywhere near as difficult as last year.  We have much for which to be thankful!

Ian is still working at ArvinMeritor in Franklin, KY, where he started last December. His job as plant engineer is a blessing, but his long hours continue to keep him away from home more than we like.  Still, he is home on the weekends, was able to coach the boys’ baseball team again this year, and makes it to every ball game.  Praise the Lord!

I continue to work at home on a very limited basis, but the Lord has allowed me to branch out a little this year.  I have recently started writing as a freelancer for The Mailbox Magazine, an educational resource for teachers. However, for the most part my days are spent doing (and redoing) the everyday tasks of homeschooling motherhood—cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, grading papers, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, grading papers, etc.  Though life isn’t what I would always call an “adventure,” it is never boring and very seldom quiet!

Sjon-Paul (who is 10) is in sixth grade, and Brandon (who just turned 9) is in the fourth.  They are both still being homeschooled, and although the school year has not been easy, the boys are doing well academically.  Ryan, who is now 4, and Braxton, who is 2, are in “preschool” using the curriculum that I wrote when Sjon-Paul was 3.  They are enjoying the hands-on activities and the special attention from Mom.

The older boys played baseball again this past spring and summer.  Ryan missed his age deadline by two months.  Both boys had an awesome season on the Cardinals team and captured first place in regular season.  Sjon-Paul was chosen as a member of the Warren County All-Star 9-10 year old team, which went on to finish as runner-up in the Kentucky Little League State championship.  It was a very busy summer, after which we took a break from organized sports for a while.  The older boys have just recently started basketball season and are having lots of fun running drills and suicides (OK Sjon-Paul likes the suicides; Brandon just wants to play ball!)  Speaking of Brandon, our chef-in-training also received a special blessing (and $10) when his “edible insect” fruit recipe was accepted for publication in “Clubhouse” magazine this fall. 

Ryan and Braxton are at funny ages and often come up with interesting statements.  Ryan is especially aware of crosses and points out anything that is or resembles a cross.  Still, I was a bit surprised one day recently when he told me that he had seen Jesus dying on the cross in the cornbread.  Now, I have to admit my first thought was, “Where is that piece of cornbread?  I can make a fortune on eBay!”  But when I questioned him, he quickly changed it to “corn maze. I saw Jesus dying on the cross in the corn maze.”  We had been at a fall benefit earlier that day, and he had walked through a corn maze with his older brothers.  I was pretty sure there had not been a cross in there.  So, I questioned Sjon-Paul who said, “Mom, I think he is talking about a scarecrow!”

Another time, on the way home from church, Ryan asked us where God lives.  I told him, “God lives in Heaven.”  Unfortunately though, Ryan is seated in the back of the van and couldn’t hear very well.  So, I had to repeat it a couple of times.  After the second or third time, Braxton shouted, “With Mrs. Laurie, all right?”  Mrs. Laurie, by the way, is Braxton’s Sunday School teacher.  Obviously, Braxton equates God with his Sunday School teacher.  She is allowing God to shine through her life.  This prompted me to ask myself, “Has anyone seen God shining in my life lately?”

On most days, I only interact with my four boys and my computer.  This makes it is easy for me to think that what I do doesn’t really matter and that what I do doesn’t make a difference either. It’s amazing how God knows our innermost thoughts, and He recently spoke to me regarding this issue.  I was popping a bag of microwave popcorn, and Braxton wanted to watch.  So, I lifted him up on my hip to see.  Our microwave has an automatic popcorn button, and it is set for something like 3 minutes and 45 seconds.  Do you know how long a bag of popcorn sits and does practically nothing before it starts popping?  For 3 minutes and 15 seconds it just turned around on the glass plate.  Then, in 30 seconds it turned into a full bag of nice, fluffy popcorn.  But, you know what?  If I had put that bag in and just pushed 30 seconds, it wouldn’t have worked.  The kernels wouldn’t have had time to heat up properly. 

You may be wondering by now why I am talking about popcorn and what in the world this has to do with a Christmas letter.  Well, hang in with me here, but as I watched that bag heat up and pop, it seemed as if God was telling me this.  When the Lord gives us a task (such as teaching and raising four boys) we won’t always see results right away.  In fact, it may be the last “30 seconds” so to speak before we ever see a visible change, but something is happening.  We just have to obey and let Him do the “heating up” so that when ready, the bag will pop.

Some of you who are reading this letter have had a terrible year.  Some of you have been plagued with illness, faced deaths, lost jobs, suffered financially.  Some of you have had a wonderful year.  Perhaps you have experienced a new birth in the family, a graduation, a marriage.  But most of us—perhaps even all of us—have to say that every year is full of both hardships and blessings.  For those of you who know the Lord, we praise Him for the way in which He is working in your lives—through the good and the bad—and we pray that God will continue to grow you in His image and move you into a deeper, more satisfying relationship with Him.  We pray that everyone around you will see God shining through you.  We pray that you will realize that whatever you are doing or going through, if you are seeking the Lord’s glory in it, then it is worthwhile, and you are making a difference.

But for those of you who don’t know Jesus, our deepest prayer is that you will come to know this One whom we call Savior, Lord, and our very best friend.  How amiss we would be during this season of His birth if we didn’t point you to Christ.  A special verse that helps me when I am struggling is Psalm 11:2:  “When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.”  That Rock is Jesus Christ, the One who provides stability in a world that seems to be spinning out of control, the One who provides refuge when we are hurting or lonely or afraid, the One whose strength is sufficient for all our weakness, the One who was born and died for our salvation.  Our prayer for you, our friends, is that you will come to personally know and love our Savior.

So, the next time you pop a bag of popcorn or take a bite of cornbread, maybe you will remember us and think about these things!  We love you all and wish you a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year.  Keep in touch and take care!

Love,

Tricia, Ian, Sjon-Paul, Brandon, Ryan and Braxton

Looking for a Christmas gift for a woman in your life? Purchase a copy of Tricia’s new book, A Year of Yearning, A 12-Month Devotional to Help You Study God’s Word More.

Learning to Trust During Troubled Times

The Bible is full of interesting characters, real people who had real lives and real problems. God never intended that we put Mary or Joseph or the shepherds or wisemen on a pedestal. In fact, I think we rob ourselves when we do. By examining the Christmas story, by allowing myself to sort through the skeletons in the closet of Christmas, I can breathe a sigh of relief because I realize that their lives were a lot like mine. If God worked in them, then surely, He can work in me. If God was with them even in the darkest hours of their days, surely, He will be with me in mine.

The Bible tells us that Mary remembered all the things that happened to her and her little family, that she stored them in her heart. I can’t help but wonder if she didn’t pull those memories out during years of mothering the young Jesus and his siblings. I think she most definitely spent time contemplating them when Jesus began His ministry. And, I imagine, they were a comfort to her in the days after His Heavenly return when she surely missed the physical presence of her son and her Savior.

Remembering God’s faithfulness in previous days is always a good way to help strengthen us for current trials. So, this year, I am remembering Christmases past, and reflecting on how God was preparing me then for the battle to come, how He was drawing me close and teaching me lessons that would help me get through the loss of my son so many years later. Join with me as we go back in time to 2005.

Christmas 2005

Dear Friends and Family,

This year has been full of mixed emotions and varying circumstances, but if I had to sum it all up in one word, that word would be trust.

January 2005 found the Brown family in the middle of what seemed to be a very long winter.  Three of our four children had been sick almost continuously since October of the previous year.  Once Sjon-Paul, our oldest, was diagnosed with asthma, medicine brought his condition quickly under control.  When Braxton, our baby, was determined to be milk intolerant, dietary changes helped resolve many of his health conditions.  But Ryan, our third son, stayed sick.  Ryan, who had been on antibiotics off and on for a year, was tested for allergies, diabetes and gastric reflux and visited an ear specialist to schedule tubes to be put into his ears.  Then he was tested for cystic fibrosis. 

When the doctor first mentioned CF, Ian and I began to face a very frightening truth.  The plans we had for our lives and the lives of our children might be very different from those that God had in store.  As we waited anxiously and impatiently for the results of Ryan’s test, we also waited for the results of my father’s biopsy.  Ryan’s test came back OK, but Dad’s didn’t.  He was diagnosed with prostate cancer.  Even the thought of losing my father was almost more than I could bear. 

As February and March slipped by, Ryan had tubes inserted into his ears and slowly began to get better.  After only a couple more rounds of antibiotics and months of warmer weather, Ryan finally emerged in July a healthier, happier, and chubbier little boy.  He gained 8 pounds in about 4 months.  While I am very thankful for the doctor’s wisdom in inserting the tubes, I am convinced that the tubes didn’t “heal” Ryan—God did. His health problems have all but disappeared.  Even those that have not completely gone away are much better.  In addition, my Dad underwent cancer surgery in July and despite continued side effects of the treatment, we are very thankful that they “got it all.”  Praise God!

In the middle of all of this, Ian accepted a position with Toyota Motor Manufacturing in Georgetown, KY, and we prepared for a move.  At the end of April, Ian turned in his notice with NASCO, resigned from his position as Brandon’s ball coach, and moved to Lexington.  The boys and I put our house up for sale and proceeded with life as usual, with the exception of an occasional house showing that caused a flurry of cleaning and a speedy exit. 

Our emotions were strung out between hopeful anticipation of seeing Dad (Ian) on Friday to another difficult good-bye on Sunday night.  The blessing of having a father who is actively involved in his children’s lives made his absence all the more heart wrenching as we struggled through ball games and lonely evenings without him.  The boys each demonstrated their longing for Dad in different ways, but the babies were the most difficult to help.  They clung to Ian from the moment he came home and screamed for him at the window when he left.  They cried for him when they woke up or were feeling bad.  They experienced separation anxiety and often wailed when Mommy had to leave even for a short period of time.  Our lives seemed to be suspended in this sort of busy, chaotic limbo as we waited for things to get back to “normal.” 

Seven months later, our house had still not sold, and we continued praying that God would open the doors He wanted us to walk through—either sell our house or provide Ian with another job.  Just three weeks ago, Ian came home “for good” and began a new position with ArvinMeritor in Franklin, KY. 

2005 has been a reminder of how quickly our lives can change.  A job change, a long-distance move, an unexpected illness, a death—life is never constant… From the very public national and world tragedies that occurred as a result of natural disasters to the private turmoil of unexplained illness and family separation, this year has challenged our family to continually place our trust in the Lord.  Perhaps more than anything, we have learned what trust is not. 

Trust is not the absence of fear.  Trust is not necessarily understanding it all.  Trust is not being unconcerned.  Trust doesn’t mean never feeling discouraged, doubtful, or even depressed.  Trust is not a passive verb.  It requires effort.  Trust is a constant reliance, a sound knowledge, a blessed hope that despite all those feelings God is still in control.  Trust is knowing that as a Christian, God may ask you to go through the storm, but He won’t ask you to go through it alone. 

One of my favorite passages of the Bible is Proverbs 3:5-6. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.”  Praise God for that assurance!  It comes only through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ—the Reason we celebrate this Christmas season. 

Life is ever-changing and is destined to bring pain.  So our sincere hope and prayer for you in the coming year is not just that you will experience many blessings but that you will know the One who is the author of hope, who provides comfort and assurance in the midst of pain, and who loves you so much that He was born and died to offer you eternal salvation.  Our prayer is that you know and love Jesus more in the year of 2006!

Merry Christmas!

Love,

Tricia, Ian, Sjon-Paul, Brandon, Ryan and Braxton Brown

If you haven’t already, make sure to read Ruined Reputations, the first study of our 2020 Advent Series. Also, check out The Girls Get Together on YouTube for Tricia’s weekly Two-Minute Tales.