I vividly remember giving birth to each of my sons. I remember the pain, and I remember the joy. It’s easy to think about Mary holding the baby Jesus in her arms. It’s easy to imagine the feelings of precious love and adoration that she must have felt, because I can relate. After Sjon-Paul was born, when I held him in my arms for the first time, as he loudly protested his recent entrance into this world, I remember saying, “I know I will grow tired of that sound one day, but right now it’s the most beautiful sound in the world.”
And it was, but I did… grow tired of the crying, I mean. Diaper changes, crying, constantly attending to another person’s needs—mothering can be hard at times—and lonely.
Because Mary was only human, I am sure that she experienced a lot of the same feels we do. Even when the shepherds came and then the wisemen, she probably thought about her parents who had not yet seen her baby boy. When Joseph took them to Egypt, I bet she missed her friends. After she relocated to Nazareth again, I wonder if she wasn’t just a little self-conscious of the truth that others refused to believe. Among the disciples standing at the foot of the cross or the women at the entrance to the empty tomb, I imagine that Mary still had bouts of loneliness.
As a young mother with four active boys, I sometimes felt alone in the middle of my own kind of craziness. Don’t get me wrong. I love my boys. I am thankful to have been able to stay home and raise them, but there are no perfect families. Ours had its share of troubles, and sometimes a crisis isn’t really about what’s happening on the outside. Sometimes the crisis is all about what’s happening in our hearts.
Ian was an active participant in our boys’ lives and a good provider, but twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week in a house full of testosterone sometimes got the better of me. Sometimes, I felt like I was wrestling monkeys. Sometimes, they felt like bears. I wasn’t far from home and family, but, sometimes, I still felt all alone. Inevitably, that sense of aloneness morphed quickly into hopelessness, a feeling as if nothing I did actually mattered or made a difference.
Perhaps all Christians feel that way at times. Perhaps, it’s another way that God points us to Him. Maybe the loneliness isn’t actually loneliness. Maybe it’s more of a homesickness, a yearning for that which we are truly made. As I struggled with these feelings of isolation and inadequacy, the Lord used an everyday household appliance to plant hope in my heart. Today, I share it with you as I shared it with my friends and family during the Christmas of 2006.
Christmas 2006
Hello Friends and Family,
Merry Christmas! As I prepared to write this letter, I went back and re-read our Christmas letter from last year. Wow! What a difference a year can make! Praise God that while this year has had challenges of its own, it has not been anywhere near as difficult as last year. We have much for which to be thankful!
Ian is still working at ArvinMeritor in Franklin, KY, where he started last December. His job as plant engineer is a blessing, but his long hours continue to keep him away from home more than we like. Still, he is home on the weekends, was able to coach the boys’ baseball team again this year, and makes it to every ball game. Praise the Lord!
I continue to work at home on a very limited basis, but the Lord has allowed me to branch out a little this year. I have recently started writing as a freelancer for The Mailbox Magazine, an educational resource for teachers. However, for the most part my days are spent doing (and redoing) the everyday tasks of homeschooling motherhood—cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, grading papers, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, grading papers, etc. Though life isn’t what I would always call an “adventure,” it is never boring and very seldom quiet!
Sjon-Paul (who is 10) is in sixth grade, and Brandon (who just turned 9) is in the fourth. They are both still being homeschooled, and although the school year has not been easy, the boys are doing well academically. Ryan, who is now 4, and Braxton, who is 2, are in “preschool” using the curriculum that I wrote when Sjon-Paul was 3. They are enjoying the hands-on activities and the special attention from Mom.
The older boys played baseball again this past spring and summer. Ryan missed his age deadline by two months. Both boys had an awesome season on the Cardinals team and captured first place in regular season. Sjon-Paul was chosen as a member of the Warren County All-Star 9-10 year old team, which went on to finish as runner-up in the Kentucky Little League State championship. It was a very busy summer, after which we took a break from organized sports for a while. The older boys have just recently started basketball season and are having lots of fun running drills and suicides (OK Sjon-Paul likes the suicides; Brandon just wants to play ball!) Speaking of Brandon, our chef-in-training also received a special blessing (and $10) when his “edible insect” fruit recipe was accepted for publication in “Clubhouse” magazine this fall.
Ryan and Braxton are at funny ages and often come up with interesting statements. Ryan is especially aware of crosses and points out anything that is or resembles a cross. Still, I was a bit surprised one day recently when he told me that he had seen Jesus dying on the cross in the cornbread. Now, I have to admit my first thought was, “Where is that piece of cornbread? I can make a fortune on eBay!” But when I questioned him, he quickly changed it to “corn maze. I saw Jesus dying on the cross in the corn maze.” We had been at a fall benefit earlier that day, and he had walked through a corn maze with his older brothers. I was pretty sure there had not been a cross in there. So, I questioned Sjon-Paul who said, “Mom, I think he is talking about a scarecrow!”
Another time, on the way home from church, Ryan asked us where God lives. I told him, “God lives in Heaven.” Unfortunately though, Ryan is seated in the back of the van and couldn’t hear very well. So, I had to repeat it a couple of times. After the second or third time, Braxton shouted, “With Mrs. Laurie, all right?” Mrs. Laurie, by the way, is Braxton’s Sunday School teacher. Obviously, Braxton equates God with his Sunday School teacher. She is allowing God to shine through her life. This prompted me to ask myself, “Has anyone seen God shining in my life lately?”
On most days, I only interact with my four boys and my computer. This makes it is easy for me to think that what I do doesn’t really matter and that what I do doesn’t make a difference either. It’s amazing how God knows our innermost thoughts, and He recently spoke to me regarding this issue. I was popping a bag of microwave popcorn, and Braxton wanted to watch. So, I lifted him up on my hip to see. Our microwave has an automatic popcorn button, and it is set for something like 3 minutes and 45 seconds. Do you know how long a bag of popcorn sits and does practically nothing before it starts popping? For 3 minutes and 15 seconds it just turned around on the glass plate. Then, in 30 seconds it turned into a full bag of nice, fluffy popcorn. But, you know what? If I had put that bag in and just pushed 30 seconds, it wouldn’t have worked. The kernels wouldn’t have had time to heat up properly.
You may be wondering by now why I am talking about popcorn and what in the world this has to do with a Christmas letter. Well, hang in with me here, but as I watched that bag heat up and pop, it seemed as if God was telling me this. When the Lord gives us a task (such as teaching and raising four boys) we won’t always see results right away. In fact, it may be the last “30 seconds” so to speak before we ever see a visible change, but something is happening. We just have to obey and let Him do the “heating up” so that when ready, the bag will pop.
Some of you who are reading this letter have had a terrible year. Some of you have been plagued with illness, faced deaths, lost jobs, suffered financially. Some of you have had a wonderful year. Perhaps you have experienced a new birth in the family, a graduation, a marriage. But most of us—perhaps even all of us—have to say that every year is full of both hardships and blessings. For those of you who know the Lord, we praise Him for the way in which He is working in your lives—through the good and the bad—and we pray that God will continue to grow you in His image and move you into a deeper, more satisfying relationship with Him. We pray that everyone around you will see God shining through you. We pray that you will realize that whatever you are doing or going through, if you are seeking the Lord’s glory in it, then it is worthwhile, and you are making a difference.
But for those of you who don’t know Jesus, our deepest prayer is that you will come to know this One whom we call Savior, Lord, and our very best friend. How amiss we would be during this season of His birth if we didn’t point you to Christ. A special verse that helps me when I am struggling is Psalm 11:2: “When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.” That Rock is Jesus Christ, the One who provides stability in a world that seems to be spinning out of control, the One who provides refuge when we are hurting or lonely or afraid, the One whose strength is sufficient for all our weakness, the One who was born and died for our salvation. Our prayer for you, our friends, is that you will come to personally know and love our Savior.
So, the next time you pop a bag of popcorn or take a bite of cornbread, maybe you will remember us and think about these things! We love you all and wish you a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year. Keep in touch and take care!
Love,
Tricia, Ian, Sjon-Paul, Brandon, Ryan and Braxton
Looking for a Christmas gift for a woman in your life? Purchase a copy of Tricia’s new book, A Year of Yearning, A 12-Month Devotional to Help You Study God’s Word More.