The Bible is full of interesting characters, real people who had real lives and real problems. God never intended that we put Mary or Joseph or the shepherds or wisemen on a pedestal. In fact, I think we rob ourselves when we do. By examining the Christmas story, by allowing myself to sort through the skeletons in the closet of Christmas, I can breathe a sigh of relief because I realize that their lives were a lot like mine. If God worked in them, then surely, He can work in me. If God was with them even in the darkest hours of their days, surely, He will be with me in mine.
The Bible tells us that Mary remembered all the things that happened to her and her little family, that she stored them in her heart. I can’t help but wonder if she didn’t pull those memories out during years of mothering the young Jesus and his siblings. I think she most definitely spent time contemplating them when Jesus began His ministry. And, I imagine, they were a comfort to her in the days after His Heavenly return when she surely missed the physical presence of her son and her Savior.
Remembering God’s faithfulness in previous days is always a good way to help strengthen us for current trials. So, this year, I am remembering Christmases past, and reflecting on how God was preparing me then for the battle to come, how He was drawing me close and teaching me lessons that would help me get through the loss of my son so many years later. Join with me as we go back in time to 2005.
Christmas 2005
Dear Friends and Family,
This year has been full of mixed emotions and varying circumstances, but if I had to sum it all up in one word, that word would be trust.
January 2005 found the Brown family in the middle of what seemed to be a very long winter. Three of our four children had been sick almost continuously since October of the previous year. Once Sjon-Paul, our oldest, was diagnosed with asthma, medicine brought his condition quickly under control. When Braxton, our baby, was determined to be milk intolerant, dietary changes helped resolve many of his health conditions. But Ryan, our third son, stayed sick. Ryan, who had been on antibiotics off and on for a year, was tested for allergies, diabetes and gastric reflux and visited an ear specialist to schedule tubes to be put into his ears. Then he was tested for cystic fibrosis.
When the doctor first mentioned CF, Ian and I began to face a very frightening truth. The plans we had for our lives and the lives of our children might be very different from those that God had in store. As we waited anxiously and impatiently for the results of Ryan’s test, we also waited for the results of my father’s biopsy. Ryan’s test came back OK, but Dad’s didn’t. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Even the thought of losing my father was almost more than I could bear.
As February and March slipped by, Ryan had tubes inserted into his ears and slowly began to get better. After only a couple more rounds of antibiotics and months of warmer weather, Ryan finally emerged in July a healthier, happier, and chubbier little boy. He gained 8 pounds in about 4 months. While I am very thankful for the doctor’s wisdom in inserting the tubes, I am convinced that the tubes didn’t “heal” Ryan—God did. His health problems have all but disappeared. Even those that have not completely gone away are much better. In addition, my Dad underwent cancer surgery in July and despite continued side effects of the treatment, we are very thankful that they “got it all.” Praise God!
In the middle of all of this, Ian accepted a position with Toyota Motor Manufacturing in Georgetown, KY, and we prepared for a move. At the end of April, Ian turned in his notice with NASCO, resigned from his position as Brandon’s ball coach, and moved to Lexington. The boys and I put our house up for sale and proceeded with life as usual, with the exception of an occasional house showing that caused a flurry of cleaning and a speedy exit.
Our emotions were strung out between hopeful anticipation of seeing Dad (Ian) on Friday to another difficult good-bye on Sunday night. The blessing of having a father who is actively involved in his children’s lives made his absence all the more heart wrenching as we struggled through ball games and lonely evenings without him. The boys each demonstrated their longing for Dad in different ways, but the babies were the most difficult to help. They clung to Ian from the moment he came home and screamed for him at the window when he left. They cried for him when they woke up or were feeling bad. They experienced separation anxiety and often wailed when Mommy had to leave even for a short period of time. Our lives seemed to be suspended in this sort of busy, chaotic limbo as we waited for things to get back to “normal.”
Seven months later, our house had still not sold, and we continued praying that God would open the doors He wanted us to walk through—either sell our house or provide Ian with another job. Just three weeks ago, Ian came home “for good” and began a new position with ArvinMeritor in Franklin, KY.
2005 has been a reminder of how quickly our lives can change. A job change, a long-distance move, an unexpected illness, a death—life is never constant… From the very public national and world tragedies that occurred as a result of natural disasters to the private turmoil of unexplained illness and family separation, this year has challenged our family to continually place our trust in the Lord. Perhaps more than anything, we have learned what trust is not.
Trust is not the absence of fear. Trust is not necessarily understanding it all. Trust is not being unconcerned. Trust doesn’t mean never feeling discouraged, doubtful, or even depressed. Trust is not a passive verb. It requires effort. Trust is a constant reliance, a sound knowledge, a blessed hope that despite all those feelings God is still in control. Trust is knowing that as a Christian, God may ask you to go through the storm, but He won’t ask you to go through it alone.
One of my favorite passages of the Bible is Proverbs 3:5-6. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.” Praise God for that assurance! It comes only through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ—the Reason we celebrate this Christmas season.
Life is ever-changing and is destined to bring pain. So our sincere hope and prayer for you in the coming year is not just that you will experience many blessings but that you will know the One who is the author of hope, who provides comfort and assurance in the midst of pain, and who loves you so much that He was born and died to offer you eternal salvation. Our prayer is that you know and love Jesus more in the year of 2006!
Merry Christmas!
Love,
Tricia, Ian, Sjon-Paul, Brandon, Ryan and Braxton Brown
If you haven’t already, make sure to read Ruined Reputations, the first study of our 2020 Advent Series. Also, check out The Girls Get Together on YouTube for Tricia’s weekly Two-Minute Tales.