I am trying to lose weight. Unfortunately, that’s not a new goal for me. For most of my life, it’s been right there at the top of my new year’s resolutions, every single year. I usually weigh on Saturday and have my free day on Sunday when my husband and I go out to eat. Last week, however, we had a special family meal on Friday night. So, I postponed weighing until Sunday morning. As usual, I was apprehensive as I stepped on the scale. Let’s just say that my body hangs onto its excess fat like a toddler hangs onto a bar of chocolate. So, I was more than pleasantly surprised when the scale verified a loss of five pounds. I hopped up and down and cheered. “Praise God. Thank you, Lord!”
As I climbed into the tub, I began to think about that number and how unlikely it was that I’d actually shed that much weight. I had tried really hard, but I almost never lose that much in one week. I wondered if I had misread the scale. I couldn’t remember if I had worn my glasses. Maybe I didn’t see what I thought I’d seen. When I got out of the tub, I weighed again. I was deflated (emotionally, of course). In the time it took me to bathe, I went from losing five pounds to gaining two. I seriously considered throwing the scale in the trash and comforting myself with a bag of Oreos. I wish I’d never weighed that second time.
Now, regardless of which measurement was correct, I was reminded that this is what I sometimes do with God. I pray for something. He answers, and I second-guess. For instance, I have been praying for someone who wanted a different job. I have been praying for this for months. In fact, there was a specific job that this person wanted, and I have been praying that if it was the Lord’s will, the person would get it. Then, guess what? The Lord answered. Even though the person had been told before Christmas that the company wasn’t hiring, they called back and offered the person the job. Woo Hoo! Praise the Lord! What an answer to prayer.
Then, I started second-guessing. Maybe this job wouldn’t be the best thing for this person. Maybe this person won’t be able to do the job well. Maybe it will be too stressful. What if this person messes up and gets fired? What if the person winds up in a worse spot than before?
As my brain started spinning, it was as if I had stepped on those scales again. Instead of being thankful for the blessing, I was questioning my vision. Then, God whispered something to me.
Do you trust me with this decision, daughter?
I had prayed for God’s will but now I questioned that the God who answered had it all under control. James 1:6-7 says, “But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.”
Although James was particularly referring to the request for wisdom, I think this applies to all of our requests. Why do I question God’s goodness if I know that he is good? Why do I doubt his sovereignty if I know that he’s in charge? Do I really trust him?
Forgive me, Lord. And the next time the scale shows that I lost five pounds, I promise not to argue or step foot on it again that day.