Walls shake. Buildings collapse. Bridges break. Mudslides, landslides, avalanches, fires and tsunamis result. When an earthquake hits, it leaves a wake of destruction behind. Then, the aftershocks begin. And though, much less powerful, these mini earthquakes must be terrifying to the already traumatized victims.
On September 18, 2018, I experienced an earthquake. When Brandon died, life as I knew it crumpled around me. In the year and a half since that day, I have struggled to pick up the pieces, to rebuild my happy, my “at peace,” my vision of the future and of myself.
And then come the aftershocks: emerging news of the Coronavirus, the unexpected loss of Ian’s sister, the increased closures and economic uncertainty regarding the pandemic, and (just this week) intense pain, trips to the doctor, and a diagnosis of diverticulitis. In the past month, I have struggled to regain my footing and, at times, have felt like I was on shaky ground once more.
I have never considered myself to be easily frightened. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a risk-taker. I don’t like to push the limits when it comes to height or speed. I am not even fond of roller coasters. But I also try not to be unnecessarily worried. My motto, for many years, has been, “Don’t worry about something until you know that there is something to worry about.”
Still, I have found myself worrying a lot recently. When a representative of the local Christian radio station called me, she asked how she could specifically pray for me. I asked her to pray for me in regards to my anxiety and worry. Given the circumstances, I was surprised when she asked me to be more specific. “What exactly about this situation has you concerned?” And, for a second or two, I found it hard to answer.
I am very blessed. As a work-from-home, home school mother, my life has not been drastically altered by any of the virus restrictions. I continue to write. My sons, both employed in the fast-food industry, are still working. My oldest son and husband, thankfully, are able to work at home and still get paid. Other than not being able to attend church, our day-to-day routines have not changed much.
So, why am I scared?
For probably the same reasons that you are.
I may be wrong, but I would venture to say that most, if not all of us, have experienced some degree of worry and anxiety since the news of the Coronavirus broke. Some of us fear the virus. Some of us fear the financial impact it is having or may have on our families. Some fear the isolation and social distancing. Some fear the restrictions that the government has imposed. I would say that most of us have at least thought about what the future holds, even if we aren’t specifically afraid for the future itself.
It’s like having the earth shake underneath my already unstable feet. Once again, I am keenly aware of the fact that I am not in control. I never have been and never will be.
Then, yesterday, I watched as the sun emerged from the gray clouds like a butterfly crawling out of its chrysalis. I opened my window and listened to the birds sing. I had watched my cat play on the weed-covered rocks outside. I noticed a random flower or two poking their heads through the ground. I sat on the deck with my family eating dinner and looked out across the green grass and blooming trees in our backyard. And the Lord reminded me of Mathew 6:25-34.
“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life… if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?... Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.”
Make no mistake. We are living in frightening times. But, as one friend, recently asked, “What can we do?” Really, what can any of us do about it?
Well, in the grand scheme of things, not much. For me, that’s what makes it so frightening. For the majority of us, there is little that we can do about the events that are shaping our world. There is little we control, except for ourselves.
Everyday for the past week or so, at least once a day, sometimes more, I have physically reminded myself to lay my fears at the feet of Jesus. I have also been reminded to look for the good: the beauty of nature, the friendliness of the people in the store, new opportunities to witness and pray, the blessing of modern technology and medicine, a renewed appreciation for the ones I love. Finally, I have tried to be intentional about reaching out to others. These are ways I control myself, my own attitude, my own actions.
So, whether you are experiencing a tremor, a massive earthquake, or, like me, a multitude of smaller but scary aftershocks, my encouragement for you this week is the same as my encouragement to myself. When the earth feels as if it is shaking under your feet, first, cling to “the towering rock of safety” (Psalm 61), and then, “seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously.”
God will take care of the rest.