If You Want to Hear, You Have To Shut Up and Listen

I have been arguing with God a lot lately. For those of you who have followed my posts or who know me well, you already know a little about my conversations with God.

Some people probably think I am crazy. That’s OK. Sometimes, I question my own sanity. And that is actually what brings me to this post, to my latest divine discussion. It was rather one-sided, and it went kind of like this…

“God,” I said. “I trust You. I really do. But, here’s the thing. Maybe, I am not really hearing You at all. Maybe, just maybe, I am making all this stuff up in my head. I need to hear from You. But I need to know that it’s You and not just a figment of my imagination. So, if it’s really You, God. If it’s really You, then talk to me in scripture verses. Bring Your Word to my mind—actual verses that say to me what You want to say. Then I will know it’s You.”

Immediately, John 3:16 came to mind. “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

But I said, “Nope, that doesn’t work. I have known that verse most of my life. It’s just my mind again, making things up.”

And then I heard, “Lo, I am with You always, even unto the end of the world.”

And I said, “Come on, really? Of course, I would think of that one. GOD, seriously! If You are there, if You hear me, if You care, I know You can do this. Speak to me through scripture that I wouldn’t easily remember, scripture that I may not even know.”

And then, there was silence. Silence. Silence.

And I thought, “Yep, that’s what I thought. It’s all just in my head.”

I wasn’t doubting God’s existence. I wasn’t doubting God’s love. At that moment, I was, more than anything, doubting me and my ability to hear and discern God’s voice. But, to be sure, silence did not bring me comfort.

Days went by. Days. I didn’t broach the subject with God again. In fact, I talked with Him very little, and I read the Bible none at all.

Then, suddenly, out of the blue, in the middle of one day, a verse came to me, a verse I had not read or heard in a long time. Mathew 6:33, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”

That verse was the perfect answer to the question I had been posing to God, the very thing about which I was arguing. I had been asking Him about what He wanted from me in regards to my business. I had been stressing about how I could make a living from speaking and writing, what the next steps for The Girls Get Together should be, whether all this was really from Him or not.

And that was His answer.

“God,” I said, “Why? Why, when I begged You to talk to me, You remained silent. But now, out of the blue, at the most unexpected moment of the day, when I am least expecting it, You answer?”

And I heard, “Before, you were too busy arguing. I had to wait until you were ready to listen.”